"THIS IS YOUR LOSS. GRIEVE AS YOU MUST. DO WHAT IT TAKES TO HEAL."

First of all, an apology. Over the last few months I've really neglected my blog; if you are a regular on HIW you might know that my dad passed away in August. I made the decision to head back to Uni in September and complete my final year, but it hasn't been easy. I was instantly overwhelmed; being a third year Law student is hard enough, and I was juggling that with running a society, attending blogger events, trying to post regularly, family commitments and trying to improve my fitness. It can be helpful to keep busy and throw yourself into work and university, but everyone needs time to themselves.. I haven't had a single weekend to relax at home in three months, and I'm exhausted. 

Something had to give, and at the end of the day blogging is only a hobby, and it was one that was making me feel guilty when I didn't work at it. The one thing I always say to new bloggers is "blog for yourself; post when you want about whatever you want, and don't feel guilty for not posting or for having different opinions." It's just a shame I can't take my own advice. I've cried over my blog before, over low traffic and a lack of responses to posts I worked hard on, and it's such a shame because blogging is supposed to be the thing that makes me happy. Recently I've been invited to some fantastic Manchester blogger events, and met some amazing new people, and I'd love that to continue in the New Year. I know it's a little early for resolutions but I'd love to get back into the swing of blogging, but without making myself feel guilty when I don't post. 

Secondly, I just wanted to talk a little about how I've been coping with my dad not being here. I know that everyone grieves in different ways, and I don't think there is any right or wrong way, but hopefully some of my experiences might be useful to any of you who are struggling. This semester has been really hard.. I've lost all motivation for doing anything. I used to love to cook every day, but recently I've relied on oven food and takeout which has resulted in me putting on weight and feeling worse. But I also couldn't motivate myself to exercise, and some days I couldn't even leave the house. My attendance at uni has dropped significantly, to the point where I've been called into uni to talk about it. I had a meeting with my academic advisor the other day and I only wish I'd seen her sooner. She was full of very helpful and practical advice. I also went to see my GP, and I felt just a little bit lighter after I explained everything to her and my advisor. I don't like to talk to my friends and family about dad because they all worry about me when I cry, so I prefer to do my crying on my own. But this only results in me pretending like I'm OK for a few days around friends and then going home and breaking down. Alone. 

Sometimes it feels like time should stop, that the world can't possibly carry on without dad by my side, but it doesn't. And I know he wouldn't want me to waste my days away crying in my room. I would say allow yourself time to grieve properly, most importantly find someone you can talk to.. Friends, family or someone else like a GP or an advisor at Uni. Manchester University has a counselling service, which is where I'll be going in the New Year. You are never alone through bad times, no matter how much you think you may be, there will always be someone out there who is willing to listen. 

12 comments:

  1. You're amazing and very brave to post this so soon. I completely understand what you've been feeling. I lost my Dad on the year I was studying for my GCSEs and I was left stuck with what to do. I knew I had to be brave for my Mum but it was hard. My GP sent me to a bereavement counsellour because I hadn't properly cried after his death and found out that I was in a sense of shock. My mum had called into school to tell my tutor about what had happened and she told the class when I was out for a moment.

    I know I'm a stranger, but if you ever need to talk someone, I'm here to listen! :D

    You're not alone, believe me. We're here for you. xx

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    1. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It's so nice to hear that a stranger would listen if I needed to talk, and I'm here if you need someone too! I feel the same, that I have to be brave for my mum and family, but I think it's hard to be when I don't feel so brave! x

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  2. Hi Nisha, I'm lost for words. I'm sure nothing I will say will make you feel better, but know that people are thinking of you even if they don't 'know' you personally. Take good care of yourself.

    Victoria x

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    1. Thanks Victoria, it's always nice to know that other people do care x

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  3. So sorry to hear about your Dad, and even though I didn’t know him, I’m sure he’d be proud of you for carrying on with uni as much as possible. Take your time and don’t worry if you have bad days or find yourself struggling. Keep asking for help whenever you need it, whether that’s asking for someone to talk to or asking for help from teachers or other students. Best of luck with your law degree, you can do it!

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    1. Thank you so much.. All I want is to make my dad proud! I just wished I'd asked for help sooner x

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